The birth of Light

An angel's call fallen from the sky
Like the one silver tear that I cry
Telling me things I dreamt of all time
But just one of them might be a crime

The heaven's touch reached me so kind
I fell for it, stayed forever blind
Only to be in your sweet warm arms
Whisp'ring gently all wonderful charms

The peaceful mind resting now in yours
Sweeping away the pain that still pours
Down my soul, seeming so endless deep
But there's a promise I want to keep

The lovely words coming out of mine
Are just the glimpse of the beauty's shine
Right in my heart there is something sweet
That I want you to show, when we finally meet

Some tears, a bit of hope, too much of love

Was wird nach dir

Ich sehne mich nach nichts
Was nicht war ohne jeden Lichts
Nur nach der Stimme jener Zeit
In der vergeht jedes einzeln Leid

Du warst fort seit langem
Zogst mit jedem Schmerz von dannen
Ließt mich zurück allein mit mir
Dennoch wollte ich nie mehr zu dir

Sie scheint irgendwo dort
Steht an einem träumend schönem Ort
Weiß noch nichts von alle dem
Bis wir irgendwann uns endlich seh'n

Wir sind noch nur Schatten
Die Licht erst in sich finden
Denn alles was wir hatten
War nur um sich ewig dann zu binden

Something as wrecked as me....

Long gone....

One night resounding on earth
A touch that gave all those things birth
The promise you would stay there
But the blood still flows out this nightmare

A dream ongoing in hearts
Seeking the truth between all shards
Sleeping now waiting like dead
Until then alone I am in this bed

Feelings which seem to be gone
I don't even know from where they are from
My mind closed since our very end
Forever I might miss another's hand

One day awaiting like heaven
We might see that we are forever
Till this day we will find only tears
Without them for me all that's left are fears

For someone never seen...

Why I'm missing you

Your lips must be like a blossom

Soft in a kiss touching by their look

Drowning my mind to the bottom

Of all sins, until I'm turning lovesick

Your eyes seems to be even deeper

Full of love but still wihtout answers

Seeing my soul turning nicer

Just for you, because you made me do this

Your heart might be neverending

Sweet like mine even in scars and thorns

Feeling my love it's your own then

Which went mine, forever to yours responding

Your kind will be just like a dream

Bright in all ways which it still believes

Wanting to reach where no one's been

In one life, never we will like this

Long time... only 2 things

An einen Poet

Was ist schon Lyrik
Wenn nicht unsere Seele
In einem einzigen Augenblick
In dem nichts mehr noch fehle

Und nur ein Gedicht
Wozu wir es schreiben
Nur wegen all dieser Tränen nicht
Doch nicht um sie zu meiden

Ein einzelner Reim
Wie viel er da schon ist
Muss nicht aus vielen Worten sein
Weil mehr man doch nur vergisst

Sieh ein ganzes Werk
Was birgt es für Dinge
Aus Gedanken ein ganzer Berg
Der selbst kurz schon erklinge

Ist es nicht Schönheit
Wie wir sie fassen in Worte
All der Zauber in unseren Herzen
Niemals fand ich schönere Orte

Fainting fault

You asked for my name

Never knowing what is me

Didn't even know the shame

All those sins you can't see

Saying that you understand

Nothing more than a lie

Cant' even see the end

Not the mad you deny

Feel love wherever you wish

Not for me, I am gone

Won't you just live and perish

To here you don't belong

Your tears are such a waste

Now pretend you felt a thing

Haven't ever got a taste

Of love's most sweet being

My hope fades, my tears are gone, my thoughts resist

A loss in living

The shadow grasping the time
Taking your life into the doom

Just words formed a single line

But their pain came too soon

This smile fainiting away

Leaving there a memory

There is nothing more to stay

Only one sad story

The heart beating in pain

Crying out what it needs most

So unable to sustain

Since lost its beloved host

This tear running fast down

Telling the things no one hears

A tale that's never been shown

Because it's filled with fears

The living feeling so lost

Sleeping in its agony

The hopes all so far and tossed

But their gorge not one can see

One sad moment to remember...

Never fade, just cry

Only cry the tears that fade away
Only miss the ones who will stay
Don't get lost by the pain of thee
Only step out of this tragedy


Don't forget your beloved and friends
Don't run away from their helping hands
Keep your mind in peace and rest
To wake up again and try your best


Keep your heart safe as it still is
Keep the world that will by now miss
Forget the sins done by one
And reach for another lovely song


Forget never how sweet you can smile
Forget what's lost it's just for a while
Only believe in good that will come
One day to where you belong

The story of a girl's smile

This poem is written for one precious friend of mine, inspired by the things she feels and more the things I could see when she talks of him. This smile, this expression of absolut happieness the absence of all her sadness during the moment she talks about him, this is nothing I would've been ever able to describe in words, because this is the only thing we really should call love. They hurted each other, betrayed, shared sads and fears, went apart, found others to feel love, but still they are feeling lonely without each other. Don't tell me this is only a friendship, if you think, I should tell you the whole story, but that would be too much for here, because I would not dare to talk about the lives of others too much in such a public place... god even this might be too much for them... don't care I want to publish it... I should stop talking to myself? So... let me start to tell you about the little story of a love, extending over two years now:

Neverending love

They were bound in a cage

Between them a forgotten love

This is their only written page

Which even doesn't tell enough

It was once this little girl

She was a beauty in body and mind

And if you see her I'd still swear

You would see a wonderful kind

Then we have the one she loves

Now apart but still make her smile

Maybe she just don't know enoughs

But she's happy while talking all time

Both went lost to other beings

But each thought remains for their heart

Each for the other's endless feelings

There I saw the love's greatest art

Not one came back for long

They fled away in diff'rent arms

Still they know where their hearts belong

So we wait for the final charms

And so passed months till now

When they found one thing they share

It was the time of melting snow

One word and the love was still there

Now the time is ongoing

They wait to see, hope to find

Now I wait for the next snowing

Praying for them to do all things right

Is it wrong to trust?

Is the one thing we called trust just a scheme of the little believe in the good of human kind? Is it just something wrong, that is doomed to be disappointed every time we feel it for someone? Or do we only have to learn, that we need lots of time, till we know who we can trust? What if someone is asking these question and still believes, that none of them should be answered with yes? Ever found someone you met the first time but was able to speak right to your heart and soul, so that you are touched by this person, drawn to another place in your mind and feel stongly that this person is someone you could tell your whole life without regretting?
The most people would say it's better to not to talk too much, to be careful, think about if this person is only showing you a wrong side of himself. But not all are doing this and also not all are thinking like this. In our live we gain many abilities, some more some less, some more extensive some only weak. Understanding a human being only out of his words, out of the pronounciation out of the sound of his voice, telling in the first place if this one is trustworthy, not lying and someone you might like from the start, this is a very rare one. It needs you to understand human behaviour in many aspects and you must be able to recognise all those little details at once in a very short amount of time, so you could make yourself a picture of this person in the first hour, sometimes even in the first 5 minutes. You may think, this is impossible, will fail very often and would bring you nothing more then ruined expectations and disappointment in all ways.
I for myself know, that I have trusted many people very fast out of those feelings and that none of them ever did something unexpected to me or something I didn't want. I learned fast what I can tell whom of them, how much and even how. So nothing ever went wrong and still I call those rare people my friends, even after years. But still the ability to trust fast is a scary one, because it also ends in a strong trust of the others. And most people don't feel very well when someone is overwhelming them with their deepest secrets, I won't also, but I'm accepting the fact that it will turn out like this and do the best out of the things people tell me. I would never betray someone who opened the most of his/her life to me, because I know how much this hurts and how much damage the personality of someone may take out of this. So there is a very strong bond between trust and soon likes, friendship and maybe love, spinned only of words, formed by feelings and finished by the first inner secret shared between each other. When you reached this, never end it, never end to trust this person and more never betray this one, it would be more than only one sadness.
So, nothing is wrong in trusting fast, if you are able to know who when and how you can trust. The thing, that many will find something wrong or bad in it is, that they are unable to fully understand the intentions of another, why this one has done or said something and so they will get a very wrong picture of a person, which is meant to be broken soon. Believe me, not many are able to life a way like this, a way of fast trusting but finding the most wonderful friendships this way. But it is still sad, because this lead us to a world of mistrust and betrayal, divorced relations and broken friendships. A sad world though. I whised the people would be able again, to look in others hearts, to see the truth in the eyes of someone, to hear the intensions out of the words only from their sound. But not many really care enough for others to do so, many won't be able to understand the importance of this and fail because of this, but it is one of the most wonderful things we could learn from and with each other. And it is a step to a greater inner peace along to the whole world I think, to be able to read a persons feeling, regardless of what and how much this one is telling in simple words. I'd love to trust everyone, but I can't, because many are simply wrong in their minds, crazy, devious and so on... but even those I can handle and can learn to get along with them, because I even know for them, what I can tell them and what not.
So when someone starts to trust you too fast, think about why, who this person is and what you feel for him/her, what you feel because of this one. Maybe you will find out, that this person is not a stranger but someone really close to your heart from the beginning and find some beautiful friendships, started with trust instead of suspicions, starting with peace instead of fighting against each other to find out if the person is worth your friendship.

One sad morning

Sorry if someone missed me... didn't wrote for some days now. And sorry to you too friendly, for not answering the last mail. I am too tired these days, exhausted and somewhat more depressed than I'm used to. So that I can't encourage myself to write down my thoughts, I let them just flow around and be gone after some time. Well, this one poem I decided to finally write down again, because it's more than my tiny wrecked mind would endure by itself, truth may hurt sometimes.... I write poems to ged rid of it, only for that....

The Fear of all Day

I had a nightmare this day

It was like I awake

And there was none to stay

No one my heart would take

It was a morning when I cried

Tears endlessly flowing

All the things I had then tried

Didn't make me feel like going

I walked down several stairs

When I've heard only still

And I asked about wheres

But there wansn't left any will

It was still in early hour

Thoughts rapidly falling

All this seems without power

When I realized, I'm not dreaming

Byousoku... inspiring and loveable

I don't know if you like animes, but even if not, there is a movie, so touching that even I happened to cry at the end. And you don't need to like the typical Shonen or Shoujo to watch it, I never met a person who saw it and disliked it, even if they don't even like animes anyways. The title is Byousoku, or 'Five Centimimeters Per Second', a Movie splitted into three episodes, telling the life of two people, learned to like and to love each other when they were young, but forced to live in longer and longer distances when they grew up and finally they lost the track to each other. This poem so is nothing about myself, even if I can reflect many of myself into this great piece of work... it is written about and for this movie, but still a wonderful work again I think.

A distant Life

Five centimeters a second
While time travels by
And my heart has fallen beyond
My mind still too shy

A train so endless as it seems
While wait is nothing
Don't mind whether these are my feels
I'm just your being

The night in snow it was curing
All those wounds in me
But even when tears are pouring
They were all for thee

Some day I found another one
It was never like you
So I know that I had this sworn
My love is yours and true

My life when it turned then old
I still missed one thing
That's you, regardless what they told
But you had another's ring

The worth of love

So, I don't know how many are reading this blog by now.... I hope just a few there are. But I think, if you followed it for a week now, you might have recognized that it's update nearly every day. That's because I love to write poems and especially in the winter my thoughts are overflowing with rhymes. I think if I would write down every poem that pops up in my head, I never had the time to do anything else. So now you might have been suprised, that there was nothing for valentines day, not even a single word left. It's the day that is declared to be the day of love and yes, everything I have written until now was about love. So why nothing for valentine? It is an as simple and maybe for you as disappointing answer. The poems written on this day shouldn't be meant to be read by other persons than the ones they were written for. A valentine's poem is something special, you don't write it just out of a feeling, not to have written something that has rhymes and tells something. These very special pieces of work are written to show someone how you feel for the person and only this person. They are the most soul filled works I write once a year, because they have to express all feelings that had been built up for a long time and are compressed now in the one word called love. I have written more than 4 strophes for this, 9 at all for my most beloved person, because even a little number of strophes could never have expressed all what I feel for her and by far not everything I get in reward.

Love is never a giving and taking, let me tell you this. You can't calculate a relationship, cant value the things you've done and that were done to you, love isn't even something you can compare in a rational way. It is a feeling, only one feeling, even when there are two people, the feeling still is only one but existing in both the same way. So you should never care about what you did to each other more or less, as long as you feel that it is right what you are doing and as long as you feel that you are doing this only out of love. You can spend a million for a present to your beloved and get the same time something simple but from the heart, both have the same value in the meaning of love, because both were gifts with the same intension: to make the other one happy. If you understand this, you will find another world, beside the capitalistic. A world, where money is never a topic. There may be times you're on the edge of survival, but you must not fall in a deep hole of sorrow, when you have still someone to love by your side, someone who holds you, cares for you and stays with you, even in the hardest times. This is not only more important than any materialistic thing, this is what is most important for you, because in this there is true happieness combined with true love and so the fulfilling of one of the most deepest wishes of anyones soul: the absolute peace of mind. Call me crazy for thinking like this, I won't care! Say anything against this, I may listen but will ignore it. I never, really never cared about how much money I have or how much I have spent just for my beloved and so I end up very fast with nothing much left but happieness. And yes I was happy, very happy, that I had given away all those money only for seeing a smile on the face of the one I loved. This feeling is nothing that's comparable with anything, and all what is enough to spent money for it. The only time when I felt sad was when I had money, because these are the times when I couldn't be often together with my friend or even didn't see her/him. So I came to this conclusion out of my own life: Money is not worth it to have it without love. Think about it, think if you need something more than a feeling greater than anything else and if you are still thinking, that you need other things more than love, than waste your time with it if you want. I would only afford other things, when I will still have enough to afford even more for a wonderful relationship.

How I love the winter's love

The Path through Snow

When the winter sleeps tonight

There was no one in ours sight

Only your eyes like a crystal star

You and me endless like we are

In a cold place on earth

You know there's nothing more worth

Than a smile of your lovely face
Inbetween this snowy white haze

While the day is far away

I'll go back to where you stay

Now dreams are following the path

Seek the love, you forever hath

In the moon of a single night

You had never left my side

Then I held you close to me

And I was yours but still free

Woke up in winter's snow

Only the night

In the cold winters night

We slept well together all was right

Then you woke up went gone

And I missed you, the place where I belong

In the snow filled new sun

I found myself when a day begun

There you were no more here

So I keep only waiting for you my dear

In the frozen street's light

I walked on but lost your sight

The last word you said to me

My soul was bound within all my love for thee

In the noon's melted path

You were walking but missed the grass

Through the time start thinking

I am still here as our strongest feeling

In the dark hour of night

We meet again holding so tight

Then you fall in peaceful sleep

And I'm still guarding you warm and forever keep

Heartbroken

Scream the tears, fallen down like stars

See the agony, felt in our hearts

Awake the sins, deep in mine

And commit all those crime

Fear the knife, tossed into your heart

Feel the malady, one tiny shard

Rise of pain, felt by you

Regard all lies as true

Cry the pain, forced out of me

Care for nothing, just want to be

Die to last, taken no one

Dare to forget what's won

Sleep in peace, gone with your sins

Search the heaven, where all begins

Arive in hell, close to mad

Ask myself what made you sad

Another german tear

Eines Fühlen

Mein Herz, lang verschollen

 Im Winde fast zerronnen

Im Lichte versunken zu Schatten

Vergessen was wir nicht hatten

Mein Geist, lag verdorben

In Tiefen nur vergangen

Im Wesen zerworfen im Ende

Vermisse was zwischen deiner Hände

Mein Sein, lang vergeben

Im Laufe nur zerbrochen

Im Schimmer vergossen zu Leiden

Verloren was nie begonnen

Liebe, lag verstorben

In Weiten nie vermessen

Im Leben zerrüttet im Denken

Versteh nur nicht, warum es will doch sein

Just wrote, didn't think

Onto the light

The moon seeks the light

Like the night shine with stars

When everything's lost even all might

We should think of ending our inner wars

We fall in the sea

While the tears just ran free

Our hope is never our very own

Now think about the live I have shown

The dawn is like dark

We stay in the last spark

Waiting for the light to be now gone

There's a secret that will just go on

We drive through a flow

When there was not one glow

A shimmer of the love once was

A heart that felt eternal loss

The sun seems so close

But we miss the last rose

Only a petal between winters night

And again we would have found our might

Not the simplest lunch break

Have you ever been sitting in a restaurant, alone on a table for two person and were just watching at the other empty chair. Looking at it, very thoughtful half dreaming and unable to eat, even if your meal is right in front of you, untouched for about 15 minutes. And you didn't even realize, that the waitress is already looking at you askingly, because it seems kinda strange. But all that you don't mind,because all what you're thinking about is that empty chair and that's something wrong with it. What... you can probably guess by yourself... sitting here alone just feels wrong and again, I started to miss someone who is close to me, who might just sit there, just be there. She doesn't even have to talk, it would've been enough, if this feeling of lonelieness would be gone due to her presence. But you are still sitting there, the 15 minutes have already passed an the food is already a bit cold. Perfect to eat, yeh... but what when you lost your appetite suddenly by your thoughts. I took my chopsticks, stoked weary through my noddles and just kept thinking. It was a sad lunchbreak and despite the many people around me a very silent too. I was so completly sunken into my thoughts, that I couldn't hear the voices around me, there was only my own inner voice, telling me that there is something wrong, not only the fact that I was sitting there alone, the whole past few months had been definitely wrong. But what should I do... we can't force humanity to stay with us, except some illegal methods, and even more are we unable to make someone to love us, or better, we mustn't. So all whats left is sitting there and hang on the small hope, that someday we could take another beloved person to this place, so the table is filled the way it should be from the start. But than I came up with the question, where to find such a person and how? I'm not the type who can ran into the disco running straight to a single girl, talk with her and after some days be her friend. And that's not, because I can't do this, to be honest, I was and surely am still good at this, but for what? The most girls I've met this way were just some sex drunken whores, which left you 1 or 2 weeks later, cause they went drunk and landed in the bed of another same-stupid boy, just for sex. This ends mostly just in hurting yourself if you are as emotional than me. So, I gave up this idea without even trying. Another way is, talking to a girl on the streets, randomly, hoping to find a nice one. It would work, but the fact, that in this village the streets seem to be nearly empty 24/7 and the next bigger town is 35 miles away let it seem impossible to do this for long, without running out of money. So, another point done without doing anything, we are still sitting on an empty table. The last chance I might have, is to wait, waiting and hoping that the fairy of fait will grant me my only and deepest wish, to find the one person I will be forever happy with. Until then, I just can wait... maybe only the next 6 months, till I will move to university, in a way bigger city... maybe just a few weeks, until someone runs just accidentally into me... maybe it will took years, until I am for myself able to feel such a strong feeling like true love again - I am still hurt by my last relation, and to be honest a mere mental wreck. But the knowledge, that there is and must be someone out there, who is the fulfilling of my dreams life is one hope enough, to stay here longer to life on and to sit some more often at this table, simply waiting. 'I'm happy the way I am now', when I stopped eating and thinking I came to that, because I didn't do anything wrong and have all and more chances to do it even better.

Yes... it's german

This poem was written right now... in one of the rare moments when I feel completly touched by the fate of a person, by her feelings... and when I cant hesitate to write a poem for that.

Träumend Blume

Eine Blume im Schlaf
In jener Nacht die vor Morgen liegt

Es war nur als ich sie traf

Während sie der Tränen Schleier umgibt

Ein Strahl von Sonne

Der zwischen Blättern langsam erwacht

Öffnet sich sacht die Knospe

Und dennoch gibt sie weiterhin noch Acht

Ein Glanz voller Farben

Wenn der helle Schein sie berührt

Wollte sie doch nichts haben

Wurd in ihr so viel vom Leben gespürt

Ein Lied in allen Winden

Das sich legt, langsam wieder still
Doch ganz wird er nie schwinden

Denn nichts vergeht solange sie noch will

Poems can Inspire to new ones...

We were forever

I was touched by a memory of mine

Seeking your soul to be with it align

Filled by the harmony of no threat

Lying next to you, just peacefully in your bed

For eternal I want to be yours all time

Being just in love and let you smile

Taken by a world of more than a dream

Watch you while you sleep, like a wonder never seen

Every thought is only to be shared

Feeling nothing to be ever scared

Called by your name in angel's voice

Holding you close this night, wishing you all joys

All my life I will wait until this dawn

Seeking just a love like never born

Founded by a shining hopeful omen

Keep your heart, like mine will be yours, forever stolen

Love and lonely

I missed many hings the past 6 months... or already 8? I even don't know, because I've forgotten most of the things happened after my last relationship. I just remember that I was happy after, very happy, to get out of my own little hell. But than, soon after, only a few weeks, I started to feel sad. Since then I think, I found my tears again, the normal ones, not the ones born out of unbelievable pain. Yeh and since then I'm crying way more again, not to say much, bot more than it might be normal. And yeh I'm a boy, but I don't care about what others might think know, this world is not the perfect place for me, that I know, and so it might be better, knowing me with all my strangeness, before thinking I'm normal and fitting into everything. That way I might just find those, which like and maybe love me for the way I am and like I am. Let's come back to the word MISS. I never expirienced such a long period as a single since my first girlfriend, and so I'm not used to it anymore I think. I just miss to fall into my bed, guarded from warm soft arms, laying my head onto a sweet little shoulder of the one I love and feel save. Looking in the eyes of my own wonderful angel on this world and seeing as feeling nothing more than understanding in between these two little stars, everything I love. I just love to hold her tight, kiss her and feel within it only one and an only true love. I think I just miss the feeling to love. You might never know what I might talk about, never had experienced such a thing, not like me, cause many people even don't know how this sort of a soul-bond could be. I felt love to many kinds of people in many different ways. But this one true love even I can't describe, not in a thousand words, nor in a million. Love is a thing, that doesn't know distances, that can be created in a gap of 700 miles - it did once - and still be the greatest and most satisfying thing. You don't need to see her face to face, don't need to hold her hand, all you need is just to know she is there and that she's healthy. There is nothing greater than to hear her voice, more beautiful than anything else on this planet, when you came back from a day full of work, lay in your bed and listen to her, sweeping away in daydreams sweeter than everything. And there is nothing greater than to know time for time, that you made her smile, it feels just like heaven.

Sooner or later you might be able to feel her, even in all this distance. You may think it's insane, but this story is true. It happened often, that I felt something strange, like a sadness out of nowhere, or just the feeling of missing, sometimes pain or anger. In some other moments it's just a full load of happieness or a kind and warm feelign in me. But anyway, whenever I wrote to my girlfriend the moment I started to feel such a thing out of nowhere, I got a suprising answer: what I felt resembled her feelings very close. And after years with different loves, with different kinds of girls but always with the same strange way of feeling what is in her, I may allow myself to say, that if you truly love a person, you are almost able to feel that person, even miles away. This is love and nothing else I'd really call love, because this is not only the state of a good feeling, it's the state of binding your own heart and soul to another person, for feeling and sharing everything. It doesn't matter if it's love or pain, good or bad, you feel with your beloved person and you love to feel this things, cause it came from your love. If you feel happy and good, just share it with her, if you feel sad or even painful, talk with her, try to help her, do everything to turn this uncomfortable feeling into new happieness. And when you managed this, you may know why I call it the most best thing in this world, to know to made somebody smile. This is love... and this is what I miss. Because I only feel myself and only me, wihtout anyone else seems kinda lonely to me. Despite all my friends, despite all their tries to be close to me, there is still a thing missing and that's another soul in me. So my heart is empty, waiting to be filled again.

The poem of a morning dream

Morning Shadows

I saw you, once my only, now my lost

Don't know why but still love you the most

Can't even tell how you still resist in my soul

Just want to ask, what is in my life where you still have a role

I wake up, in tears falling so fast down

Thinking about all you have me shown

Wished that just one thing I would have done in the past

But till now, everything is just forgotten til the very last

I walked down , each drip even dried  for now

Sadness still in me and keep asking why

Would love to fall again in an tearful silent sleep

And then forever stay in this sweet darkness so endless deep

I'm still here, in a cold unfriendly place

Can't find anything for a smile on my face

Don't leave the room unable to even find another way

That's where I'm still sitting now just waiting to find a need to stay

I ... you

The grass frozen, sparkling in dim light

Their life just a summer only in times so bright

Fallen before the first snow reaches the ground

Forgotten even with the last nightingale's sound

And there on the cold land's dark grey street

There flys with the wind a lonely unfinished sheet

Where are just written two words, missing one

But no one will ever know which feeling it might belong

So it's fallen on ice, once a friendly lake

Waiting for the time whenever someone will take

Up to the heart and down to an eternal soul

Holding warm with a life in where it still can grow

The word itself will be your hope and all your pain

But forever it will stay for you to sustain

Hear its sound treat it like never enough

And it will form itself to your own one true love

The downplayed and ignored part of to love: the suffering

If I should describe love as a sword, I won't call it double-edged, rather it seems to me, like only one side of it is sharp, but the sword can still turn anytime against you. Let's start with the relationship. In this state no one of both sides really will or wants to cut the other one. But still we are able to hurt each other, with the wrong words, or even with no words and many mistakes we do or forget. But it hurts, even if it's no cut. This is the blunt side of the sword. I like this picture, of a blunt instead of a sharp side, beacause it means, that you can be hit several times and at first it doesn't hurt really much, but the more the same part gets a little damage from a dulled edge, the more it still hurts. And when it's getting more and more, the pain will grow, slowly, but soon reaching a feeling, that wont heal fast and just hurts in some moments, like when you move the wrong body part... thats just like a contusion, in the matter of love not physically, but in your mind it can feel just the same. So even in love we can hurt each other and even if you don't cut, the things we do affects the other. It may be we don't recognise it at first, but sooner or later, if it gets more or worse we will find out, that we definitely did something wrong and not only something, a whole load of mistakes that leads us to a state of tearful disharmony between each other. So I think, we all should care about our partner, which is hopefully the most beloved person in your life, that we dont harm them much and if we did, we should take all efforts to make him or her forgive your doings after. That way even the strike of a dull sword can be healed, before its getting worse because another one is following too fast after. It sounds easy in words, but believe me, it's hard, I think one of the hardest things ever between humans, to forgive each other and to give someone the feeling, that he or she may and can forgive you everything. I, for myself, failed in this task, so badly, so sadly that I've fallen down a rift which I still cannot escape for months now. That's also the reason why I write all this silly things - I hope my english is good enoug to understand it.

And now we may look at the other side of this sword called love. It's a sharp and really sharp edge, when you ever faced true love and you ever faced a end, as sad, as painfull than mines were - yes they were more than one - than you might know what I talked about. It is not only, that your mind seems like cut and scattered into thousands of shrouds, no, even your body trembles in pain, tears overflowing and the whole world seems to be only one forever broken thing. But this is only, when one of the two in a relation decides to strike the other one with the full force of that blade. And I swear, I've never imagined a greater and longer time of torture and self torture, than then, when you think about to end it all, but still refuse out of some stupid reasons. The time from than on, until you break away, is the worst ever in my experience. So I just want to advise you, when you really want to end a relationship, because it gives you nothing more than sadness and sorrow, than pleas, DO IT. Don't wait, not even a single day more, don't think about senseless hopes that might pop up into your mind, don't believe that it can still get better, just end it. You will do yourself and your partner a real favor, because if the other really knows you he or she will and must feel your intention to end the relationship, might start desperately to try to do nothing wrong anymore, ignores everything that would be better for himself, and than your partner end you might end in a more worse state than it was at the time, when you started to think about the end. I did the opposite, for a person I really loved, more than anything else, and in the end I faced a thing, that I may call real insanity... no one should ever learn this the hard way. And I want to tell you a little phrase, I already told to so many people and each time it would've been better, that they actually had listened to it: It's better to end a relation with a single stab with a knife, than suffering in a timeless and senseless agony for an eternity. Maybe someone will read this one day, think about it and may do the right thing... if even one, who is facing a so desperate situation with his/her partner, that he rather wants to kill himself than going on, and then decides to end it, I may have done one time a good thing to this world. But also I must advise you, to not to read this and suddenly rush to end a relationship, that was still good in itself and just have a few disturbing things in it, it would be unfair, to your partner and in the end to yourself.

But there's existing another, unknown or just negated way to hurt and to cut. For myself I would say, the more you practise this way the more it draws you into a state of madness till it has reached true insanity and even than you won't find an end out of it. I'm talking about the act of hurting yourself, mentally and often and soon physically too. And it's the worst thing in this world a human could do and many might do, the most of them probably without knowing it for themselves. It may happen when you are a very soulful person, one that really loves the partner more than everything else, but for yourself destroyed in you mind, in a depression from the start, and regarding your partner as a more important thing than you would ever be. If you reach this state, than get out of it, fast. If you want to start a relationship like this, forget it, won't work. The only thing that will happen is, that you do more and more things, just to be loved by one person, forget everything what might be good for you and end with nothing more than the strong will to do even more for your beloved one. But humans can't be perfect, won't ever be and - believe me - should never be perfect. So the most common thing that will happen: You will fail, sooner or later, for sure. But until you reach the point where you see, that it doesn't end, despite all of your doing, it may end by itself if you're lucky and if you have an understanding partner, that cares about your feelings. If not, welcome to hell. I can only talk from myself from here on... well I do it the whole gap I think. But what you feel, when you are at last nothing more than a tool that is used to be trotured for an unsatisfied feeling of belong, love and care, than you will get eaten up by your own confession, by your addiction to that person, cause he or she will draw out of you every drip of happieness untill nothing more than your insanity is left. And what comes with that is pain, crucial and unknown to your mind and also very strong in your body. If this progress lasts long enough you will often be only able of thinking one thing at all: What did I do wrong this time? And your head won't be able to keep all the pain for itself, so your body will soon feel pain also, in your chest like a knife was stabbed in, in your limbs like they are stretched all the time and additional to that you will be exhausted, despite how much you sleep, how much you rest or what you are doing, you will be exhausted all the time, even more than you might be used to be before all that had happened. And then.... let me say... it can still get worse.

Sleepless

Have you ever had the feeling

That you miss somebody you've never known

And all your thoughts are for that being

Like anything else was nothing you own

Have you ever asked what's love

When you were alone in your tidy room

And then all what you care was to move

Like this world started slowly to shroom

Have you ever looked at yourself

While seeing nothing more than a sadness

And then you stay awake already till Twelve

Like you can't even sleep with this madness

Have you ever fallen into the dark

Where all emotions seem to fade away

And all you want is that tiny little spark

Like the most beloved to where you decide to stay

Inspired by a song

Staying

I walk alone in a field dark and grey

My steps lead me away

They left me, started to stray

And still a thought was resting in me

I walk by myself through the nighten sky

My dreams flow fast still shy

They rain down with tears of my

But not any time I want another thing to be

I walk in silence with a wave of fear

My words just like a tear

They will never reach you my dear

Cause your end was in that agony

I walk forever in forgotten thoughts

My cries were full of taunts

They should not hurt you like thorns

For you was the rose with the love that I feel

I'm standing here by no ones side

My life was lost in pride

It's gone like a changing tide

And still you are the only one for me

A poem between Friends...

I postet this on 3 different Facebook accounts, so each one is to a different Person.
The first strophe was for a dear friend of mine, the second for the person who is the closest and most beloved for me since nearly 2 years now and the third one was for myself. Oh and yeh, they're both female ^^

Bonds

Can you see the last tear drip
Than the first ray of sun will slip
Through the clouds of the rain
And to the bright life
That’s why we will always sustain

Can you take the wind away
Where the clouds resist to stay
Will you bring light again
Even if we bear ourselves
Than I'd call you my closest friend


Can you feel my wish for you
With the things forever true
Shall I pass on the step away
Than please hold me again
So I will never tend to stray

My blood for you

In my dreams you were

Like an angel so light

But in all the words I dare

Not one describes your smile

In one night of the world

Your lips reached mine

But than like it's only hurt

You forgot what we once were

In a cloud of darkend rain

Those tears left all the bright
But in this I would sustain
Just to be yours for a while

In the love you cried

With a feeling of deny
But in this I lost my pride
To beware you from your scare

A song of tears

It's a song, I don't know if it's good, cause im used to write poems and even my english might be bad sometimes, cause I'm also used to write most of my texts in german. But this is my latest work and so the first I wanted to post here. Hope you enjoy and like it...


Once your soul

Could we find, a way to stay never
I would never be there for you
We would find a smile together
But this smile wont be for you

I can't hold this feelings in my
I can't stand a lonely hope
I would feel, like you're gone forever
My love you were once my soul

And if you slept two days now
I would be there to see you awake
Till this morgning I would ask you
Do you see me in your dreams 

Than I thought, why not end it
We could be happy and smile again
But we're both bound and insane
So we feel that pain again

I can't hold this feelings in my
I can't stand a lonely hope
I would feel, like you're gone forever
My love you were once my soul

And than the day when it was raining
I stood there my tears forever flow
You told me that our hearts will stay broken
And I was gone with all this pain

You will keep my feelings forever
You will stand in every dream
You might say, that you don't deserve it
But I know, you are my soul