Love and lonely

I missed many hings the past 6 months... or already 8? I even don't know, because I've forgotten most of the things happened after my last relationship. I just remember that I was happy after, very happy, to get out of my own little hell. But than, soon after, only a few weeks, I started to feel sad. Since then I think, I found my tears again, the normal ones, not the ones born out of unbelievable pain. Yeh and since then I'm crying way more again, not to say much, bot more than it might be normal. And yeh I'm a boy, but I don't care about what others might think know, this world is not the perfect place for me, that I know, and so it might be better, knowing me with all my strangeness, before thinking I'm normal and fitting into everything. That way I might just find those, which like and maybe love me for the way I am and like I am. Let's come back to the word MISS. I never expirienced such a long period as a single since my first girlfriend, and so I'm not used to it anymore I think. I just miss to fall into my bed, guarded from warm soft arms, laying my head onto a sweet little shoulder of the one I love and feel save. Looking in the eyes of my own wonderful angel on this world and seeing as feeling nothing more than understanding in between these two little stars, everything I love. I just love to hold her tight, kiss her and feel within it only one and an only true love. I think I just miss the feeling to love. You might never know what I might talk about, never had experienced such a thing, not like me, cause many people even don't know how this sort of a soul-bond could be. I felt love to many kinds of people in many different ways. But this one true love even I can't describe, not in a thousand words, nor in a million. Love is a thing, that doesn't know distances, that can be created in a gap of 700 miles - it did once - and still be the greatest and most satisfying thing. You don't need to see her face to face, don't need to hold her hand, all you need is just to know she is there and that she's healthy. There is nothing greater than to hear her voice, more beautiful than anything else on this planet, when you came back from a day full of work, lay in your bed and listen to her, sweeping away in daydreams sweeter than everything. And there is nothing greater than to know time for time, that you made her smile, it feels just like heaven.

Sooner or later you might be able to feel her, even in all this distance. You may think it's insane, but this story is true. It happened often, that I felt something strange, like a sadness out of nowhere, or just the feeling of missing, sometimes pain or anger. In some other moments it's just a full load of happieness or a kind and warm feelign in me. But anyway, whenever I wrote to my girlfriend the moment I started to feel such a thing out of nowhere, I got a suprising answer: what I felt resembled her feelings very close. And after years with different loves, with different kinds of girls but always with the same strange way of feeling what is in her, I may allow myself to say, that if you truly love a person, you are almost able to feel that person, even miles away. This is love and nothing else I'd really call love, because this is not only the state of a good feeling, it's the state of binding your own heart and soul to another person, for feeling and sharing everything. It doesn't matter if it's love or pain, good or bad, you feel with your beloved person and you love to feel this things, cause it came from your love. If you feel happy and good, just share it with her, if you feel sad or even painful, talk with her, try to help her, do everything to turn this uncomfortable feeling into new happieness. And when you managed this, you may know why I call it the most best thing in this world, to know to made somebody smile. This is love... and this is what I miss. Because I only feel myself and only me, wihtout anyone else seems kinda lonely to me. Despite all my friends, despite all their tries to be close to me, there is still a thing missing and that's another soul in me. So my heart is empty, waiting to be filled again.