One sad morning

Sorry if someone missed me... didn't wrote for some days now. And sorry to you too friendly, for not answering the last mail. I am too tired these days, exhausted and somewhat more depressed than I'm used to. So that I can't encourage myself to write down my thoughts, I let them just flow around and be gone after some time. Well, this one poem I decided to finally write down again, because it's more than my tiny wrecked mind would endure by itself, truth may hurt sometimes.... I write poems to ged rid of it, only for that....

The Fear of all Day

I had a nightmare this day

It was like I awake

And there was none to stay

No one my heart would take

It was a morning when I cried

Tears endlessly flowing

All the things I had then tried

Didn't make me feel like going

I walked down several stairs

When I've heard only still

And I asked about wheres

But there wansn't left any will

It was still in early hour

Thoughts rapidly falling

All this seems without power

When I realized, I'm not dreaming

Byousoku... inspiring and loveable

I don't know if you like animes, but even if not, there is a movie, so touching that even I happened to cry at the end. And you don't need to like the typical Shonen or Shoujo to watch it, I never met a person who saw it and disliked it, even if they don't even like animes anyways. The title is Byousoku, or 'Five Centimimeters Per Second', a Movie splitted into three episodes, telling the life of two people, learned to like and to love each other when they were young, but forced to live in longer and longer distances when they grew up and finally they lost the track to each other. This poem so is nothing about myself, even if I can reflect many of myself into this great piece of work... it is written about and for this movie, but still a wonderful work again I think.

A distant Life

Five centimeters a second
While time travels by
And my heart has fallen beyond
My mind still too shy

A train so endless as it seems
While wait is nothing
Don't mind whether these are my feels
I'm just your being

The night in snow it was curing
All those wounds in me
But even when tears are pouring
They were all for thee

Some day I found another one
It was never like you
So I know that I had this sworn
My love is yours and true

My life when it turned then old
I still missed one thing
That's you, regardless what they told
But you had another's ring

The worth of love

So, I don't know how many are reading this blog by now.... I hope just a few there are. But I think, if you followed it for a week now, you might have recognized that it's update nearly every day. That's because I love to write poems and especially in the winter my thoughts are overflowing with rhymes. I think if I would write down every poem that pops up in my head, I never had the time to do anything else. So now you might have been suprised, that there was nothing for valentines day, not even a single word left. It's the day that is declared to be the day of love and yes, everything I have written until now was about love. So why nothing for valentine? It is an as simple and maybe for you as disappointing answer. The poems written on this day shouldn't be meant to be read by other persons than the ones they were written for. A valentine's poem is something special, you don't write it just out of a feeling, not to have written something that has rhymes and tells something. These very special pieces of work are written to show someone how you feel for the person and only this person. They are the most soul filled works I write once a year, because they have to express all feelings that had been built up for a long time and are compressed now in the one word called love. I have written more than 4 strophes for this, 9 at all for my most beloved person, because even a little number of strophes could never have expressed all what I feel for her and by far not everything I get in reward.

Love is never a giving and taking, let me tell you this. You can't calculate a relationship, cant value the things you've done and that were done to you, love isn't even something you can compare in a rational way. It is a feeling, only one feeling, even when there are two people, the feeling still is only one but existing in both the same way. So you should never care about what you did to each other more or less, as long as you feel that it is right what you are doing and as long as you feel that you are doing this only out of love. You can spend a million for a present to your beloved and get the same time something simple but from the heart, both have the same value in the meaning of love, because both were gifts with the same intension: to make the other one happy. If you understand this, you will find another world, beside the capitalistic. A world, where money is never a topic. There may be times you're on the edge of survival, but you must not fall in a deep hole of sorrow, when you have still someone to love by your side, someone who holds you, cares for you and stays with you, even in the hardest times. This is not only more important than any materialistic thing, this is what is most important for you, because in this there is true happieness combined with true love and so the fulfilling of one of the most deepest wishes of anyones soul: the absolute peace of mind. Call me crazy for thinking like this, I won't care! Say anything against this, I may listen but will ignore it. I never, really never cared about how much money I have or how much I have spent just for my beloved and so I end up very fast with nothing much left but happieness. And yes I was happy, very happy, that I had given away all those money only for seeing a smile on the face of the one I loved. This feeling is nothing that's comparable with anything, and all what is enough to spent money for it. The only time when I felt sad was when I had money, because these are the times when I couldn't be often together with my friend or even didn't see her/him. So I came to this conclusion out of my own life: Money is not worth it to have it without love. Think about it, think if you need something more than a feeling greater than anything else and if you are still thinking, that you need other things more than love, than waste your time with it if you want. I would only afford other things, when I will still have enough to afford even more for a wonderful relationship.

How I love the winter's love

The Path through Snow

When the winter sleeps tonight

There was no one in ours sight

Only your eyes like a crystal star

You and me endless like we are

In a cold place on earth

You know there's nothing more worth

Than a smile of your lovely face
Inbetween this snowy white haze

While the day is far away

I'll go back to where you stay

Now dreams are following the path

Seek the love, you forever hath

In the moon of a single night

You had never left my side

Then I held you close to me

And I was yours but still free

Woke up in winter's snow

Only the night

In the cold winters night

We slept well together all was right

Then you woke up went gone

And I missed you, the place where I belong

In the snow filled new sun

I found myself when a day begun

There you were no more here

So I keep only waiting for you my dear

In the frozen street's light

I walked on but lost your sight

The last word you said to me

My soul was bound within all my love for thee

In the noon's melted path

You were walking but missed the grass

Through the time start thinking

I am still here as our strongest feeling

In the dark hour of night

We meet again holding so tight

Then you fall in peaceful sleep

And I'm still guarding you warm and forever keep

Heartbroken

Scream the tears, fallen down like stars

See the agony, felt in our hearts

Awake the sins, deep in mine

And commit all those crime

Fear the knife, tossed into your heart

Feel the malady, one tiny shard

Rise of pain, felt by you

Regard all lies as true

Cry the pain, forced out of me

Care for nothing, just want to be

Die to last, taken no one

Dare to forget what's won

Sleep in peace, gone with your sins

Search the heaven, where all begins

Arive in hell, close to mad

Ask myself what made you sad

Another german tear

Eines Fühlen

Mein Herz, lang verschollen

 Im Winde fast zerronnen

Im Lichte versunken zu Schatten

Vergessen was wir nicht hatten

Mein Geist, lag verdorben

In Tiefen nur vergangen

Im Wesen zerworfen im Ende

Vermisse was zwischen deiner Hände

Mein Sein, lang vergeben

Im Laufe nur zerbrochen

Im Schimmer vergossen zu Leiden

Verloren was nie begonnen

Liebe, lag verstorben

In Weiten nie vermessen

Im Leben zerrüttet im Denken

Versteh nur nicht, warum es will doch sein

Just wrote, didn't think

Onto the light

The moon seeks the light

Like the night shine with stars

When everything's lost even all might

We should think of ending our inner wars

We fall in the sea

While the tears just ran free

Our hope is never our very own

Now think about the live I have shown

The dawn is like dark

We stay in the last spark

Waiting for the light to be now gone

There's a secret that will just go on

We drive through a flow

When there was not one glow

A shimmer of the love once was

A heart that felt eternal loss

The sun seems so close

But we miss the last rose

Only a petal between winters night

And again we would have found our might

Not the simplest lunch break

Have you ever been sitting in a restaurant, alone on a table for two person and were just watching at the other empty chair. Looking at it, very thoughtful half dreaming and unable to eat, even if your meal is right in front of you, untouched for about 15 minutes. And you didn't even realize, that the waitress is already looking at you askingly, because it seems kinda strange. But all that you don't mind,because all what you're thinking about is that empty chair and that's something wrong with it. What... you can probably guess by yourself... sitting here alone just feels wrong and again, I started to miss someone who is close to me, who might just sit there, just be there. She doesn't even have to talk, it would've been enough, if this feeling of lonelieness would be gone due to her presence. But you are still sitting there, the 15 minutes have already passed an the food is already a bit cold. Perfect to eat, yeh... but what when you lost your appetite suddenly by your thoughts. I took my chopsticks, stoked weary through my noddles and just kept thinking. It was a sad lunchbreak and despite the many people around me a very silent too. I was so completly sunken into my thoughts, that I couldn't hear the voices around me, there was only my own inner voice, telling me that there is something wrong, not only the fact that I was sitting there alone, the whole past few months had been definitely wrong. But what should I do... we can't force humanity to stay with us, except some illegal methods, and even more are we unable to make someone to love us, or better, we mustn't. So all whats left is sitting there and hang on the small hope, that someday we could take another beloved person to this place, so the table is filled the way it should be from the start. But than I came up with the question, where to find such a person and how? I'm not the type who can ran into the disco running straight to a single girl, talk with her and after some days be her friend. And that's not, because I can't do this, to be honest, I was and surely am still good at this, but for what? The most girls I've met this way were just some sex drunken whores, which left you 1 or 2 weeks later, cause they went drunk and landed in the bed of another same-stupid boy, just for sex. This ends mostly just in hurting yourself if you are as emotional than me. So, I gave up this idea without even trying. Another way is, talking to a girl on the streets, randomly, hoping to find a nice one. It would work, but the fact, that in this village the streets seem to be nearly empty 24/7 and the next bigger town is 35 miles away let it seem impossible to do this for long, without running out of money. So, another point done without doing anything, we are still sitting on an empty table. The last chance I might have, is to wait, waiting and hoping that the fairy of fait will grant me my only and deepest wish, to find the one person I will be forever happy with. Until then, I just can wait... maybe only the next 6 months, till I will move to university, in a way bigger city... maybe just a few weeks, until someone runs just accidentally into me... maybe it will took years, until I am for myself able to feel such a strong feeling like true love again - I am still hurt by my last relation, and to be honest a mere mental wreck. But the knowledge, that there is and must be someone out there, who is the fulfilling of my dreams life is one hope enough, to stay here longer to life on and to sit some more often at this table, simply waiting. 'I'm happy the way I am now', when I stopped eating and thinking I came to that, because I didn't do anything wrong and have all and more chances to do it even better.

Yes... it's german

This poem was written right now... in one of the rare moments when I feel completly touched by the fate of a person, by her feelings... and when I cant hesitate to write a poem for that.

Träumend Blume

Eine Blume im Schlaf
In jener Nacht die vor Morgen liegt

Es war nur als ich sie traf

Während sie der Tränen Schleier umgibt

Ein Strahl von Sonne

Der zwischen Blättern langsam erwacht

Öffnet sich sacht die Knospe

Und dennoch gibt sie weiterhin noch Acht

Ein Glanz voller Farben

Wenn der helle Schein sie berührt

Wollte sie doch nichts haben

Wurd in ihr so viel vom Leben gespürt

Ein Lied in allen Winden

Das sich legt, langsam wieder still
Doch ganz wird er nie schwinden

Denn nichts vergeht solange sie noch will

Poems can Inspire to new ones...

We were forever

I was touched by a memory of mine

Seeking your soul to be with it align

Filled by the harmony of no threat

Lying next to you, just peacefully in your bed

For eternal I want to be yours all time

Being just in love and let you smile

Taken by a world of more than a dream

Watch you while you sleep, like a wonder never seen

Every thought is only to be shared

Feeling nothing to be ever scared

Called by your name in angel's voice

Holding you close this night, wishing you all joys

All my life I will wait until this dawn

Seeking just a love like never born

Founded by a shining hopeful omen

Keep your heart, like mine will be yours, forever stolen

Love and lonely

I missed many hings the past 6 months... or already 8? I even don't know, because I've forgotten most of the things happened after my last relationship. I just remember that I was happy after, very happy, to get out of my own little hell. But than, soon after, only a few weeks, I started to feel sad. Since then I think, I found my tears again, the normal ones, not the ones born out of unbelievable pain. Yeh and since then I'm crying way more again, not to say much, bot more than it might be normal. And yeh I'm a boy, but I don't care about what others might think know, this world is not the perfect place for me, that I know, and so it might be better, knowing me with all my strangeness, before thinking I'm normal and fitting into everything. That way I might just find those, which like and maybe love me for the way I am and like I am. Let's come back to the word MISS. I never expirienced such a long period as a single since my first girlfriend, and so I'm not used to it anymore I think. I just miss to fall into my bed, guarded from warm soft arms, laying my head onto a sweet little shoulder of the one I love and feel save. Looking in the eyes of my own wonderful angel on this world and seeing as feeling nothing more than understanding in between these two little stars, everything I love. I just love to hold her tight, kiss her and feel within it only one and an only true love. I think I just miss the feeling to love. You might never know what I might talk about, never had experienced such a thing, not like me, cause many people even don't know how this sort of a soul-bond could be. I felt love to many kinds of people in many different ways. But this one true love even I can't describe, not in a thousand words, nor in a million. Love is a thing, that doesn't know distances, that can be created in a gap of 700 miles - it did once - and still be the greatest and most satisfying thing. You don't need to see her face to face, don't need to hold her hand, all you need is just to know she is there and that she's healthy. There is nothing greater than to hear her voice, more beautiful than anything else on this planet, when you came back from a day full of work, lay in your bed and listen to her, sweeping away in daydreams sweeter than everything. And there is nothing greater than to know time for time, that you made her smile, it feels just like heaven.

Sooner or later you might be able to feel her, even in all this distance. You may think it's insane, but this story is true. It happened often, that I felt something strange, like a sadness out of nowhere, or just the feeling of missing, sometimes pain or anger. In some other moments it's just a full load of happieness or a kind and warm feelign in me. But anyway, whenever I wrote to my girlfriend the moment I started to feel such a thing out of nowhere, I got a suprising answer: what I felt resembled her feelings very close. And after years with different loves, with different kinds of girls but always with the same strange way of feeling what is in her, I may allow myself to say, that if you truly love a person, you are almost able to feel that person, even miles away. This is love and nothing else I'd really call love, because this is not only the state of a good feeling, it's the state of binding your own heart and soul to another person, for feeling and sharing everything. It doesn't matter if it's love or pain, good or bad, you feel with your beloved person and you love to feel this things, cause it came from your love. If you feel happy and good, just share it with her, if you feel sad or even painful, talk with her, try to help her, do everything to turn this uncomfortable feeling into new happieness. And when you managed this, you may know why I call it the most best thing in this world, to know to made somebody smile. This is love... and this is what I miss. Because I only feel myself and only me, wihtout anyone else seems kinda lonely to me. Despite all my friends, despite all their tries to be close to me, there is still a thing missing and that's another soul in me. So my heart is empty, waiting to be filled again.

The poem of a morning dream

Morning Shadows

I saw you, once my only, now my lost

Don't know why but still love you the most

Can't even tell how you still resist in my soul

Just want to ask, what is in my life where you still have a role

I wake up, in tears falling so fast down

Thinking about all you have me shown

Wished that just one thing I would have done in the past

But till now, everything is just forgotten til the very last

I walked down , each drip even dried  for now

Sadness still in me and keep asking why

Would love to fall again in an tearful silent sleep

And then forever stay in this sweet darkness so endless deep

I'm still here, in a cold unfriendly place

Can't find anything for a smile on my face

Don't leave the room unable to even find another way

That's where I'm still sitting now just waiting to find a need to stay

I ... you

The grass frozen, sparkling in dim light

Their life just a summer only in times so bright

Fallen before the first snow reaches the ground

Forgotten even with the last nightingale's sound

And there on the cold land's dark grey street

There flys with the wind a lonely unfinished sheet

Where are just written two words, missing one

But no one will ever know which feeling it might belong

So it's fallen on ice, once a friendly lake

Waiting for the time whenever someone will take

Up to the heart and down to an eternal soul

Holding warm with a life in where it still can grow

The word itself will be your hope and all your pain

But forever it will stay for you to sustain

Hear its sound treat it like never enough

And it will form itself to your own one true love