The downplayed and ignored part of to love: the suffering

If I should describe love as a sword, I won't call it double-edged, rather it seems to me, like only one side of it is sharp, but the sword can still turn anytime against you. Let's start with the relationship. In this state no one of both sides really will or wants to cut the other one. But still we are able to hurt each other, with the wrong words, or even with no words and many mistakes we do or forget. But it hurts, even if it's no cut. This is the blunt side of the sword. I like this picture, of a blunt instead of a sharp side, beacause it means, that you can be hit several times and at first it doesn't hurt really much, but the more the same part gets a little damage from a dulled edge, the more it still hurts. And when it's getting more and more, the pain will grow, slowly, but soon reaching a feeling, that wont heal fast and just hurts in some moments, like when you move the wrong body part... thats just like a contusion, in the matter of love not physically, but in your mind it can feel just the same. So even in love we can hurt each other and even if you don't cut, the things we do affects the other. It may be we don't recognise it at first, but sooner or later, if it gets more or worse we will find out, that we definitely did something wrong and not only something, a whole load of mistakes that leads us to a state of tearful disharmony between each other. So I think, we all should care about our partner, which is hopefully the most beloved person in your life, that we dont harm them much and if we did, we should take all efforts to make him or her forgive your doings after. That way even the strike of a dull sword can be healed, before its getting worse because another one is following too fast after. It sounds easy in words, but believe me, it's hard, I think one of the hardest things ever between humans, to forgive each other and to give someone the feeling, that he or she may and can forgive you everything. I, for myself, failed in this task, so badly, so sadly that I've fallen down a rift which I still cannot escape for months now. That's also the reason why I write all this silly things - I hope my english is good enoug to understand it.

And now we may look at the other side of this sword called love. It's a sharp and really sharp edge, when you ever faced true love and you ever faced a end, as sad, as painfull than mines were - yes they were more than one - than you might know what I talked about. It is not only, that your mind seems like cut and scattered into thousands of shrouds, no, even your body trembles in pain, tears overflowing and the whole world seems to be only one forever broken thing. But this is only, when one of the two in a relation decides to strike the other one with the full force of that blade. And I swear, I've never imagined a greater and longer time of torture and self torture, than then, when you think about to end it all, but still refuse out of some stupid reasons. The time from than on, until you break away, is the worst ever in my experience. So I just want to advise you, when you really want to end a relationship, because it gives you nothing more than sadness and sorrow, than pleas, DO IT. Don't wait, not even a single day more, don't think about senseless hopes that might pop up into your mind, don't believe that it can still get better, just end it. You will do yourself and your partner a real favor, because if the other really knows you he or she will and must feel your intention to end the relationship, might start desperately to try to do nothing wrong anymore, ignores everything that would be better for himself, and than your partner end you might end in a more worse state than it was at the time, when you started to think about the end. I did the opposite, for a person I really loved, more than anything else, and in the end I faced a thing, that I may call real insanity... no one should ever learn this the hard way. And I want to tell you a little phrase, I already told to so many people and each time it would've been better, that they actually had listened to it: It's better to end a relation with a single stab with a knife, than suffering in a timeless and senseless agony for an eternity. Maybe someone will read this one day, think about it and may do the right thing... if even one, who is facing a so desperate situation with his/her partner, that he rather wants to kill himself than going on, and then decides to end it, I may have done one time a good thing to this world. But also I must advise you, to not to read this and suddenly rush to end a relationship, that was still good in itself and just have a few disturbing things in it, it would be unfair, to your partner and in the end to yourself.

But there's existing another, unknown or just negated way to hurt and to cut. For myself I would say, the more you practise this way the more it draws you into a state of madness till it has reached true insanity and even than you won't find an end out of it. I'm talking about the act of hurting yourself, mentally and often and soon physically too. And it's the worst thing in this world a human could do and many might do, the most of them probably without knowing it for themselves. It may happen when you are a very soulful person, one that really loves the partner more than everything else, but for yourself destroyed in you mind, in a depression from the start, and regarding your partner as a more important thing than you would ever be. If you reach this state, than get out of it, fast. If you want to start a relationship like this, forget it, won't work. The only thing that will happen is, that you do more and more things, just to be loved by one person, forget everything what might be good for you and end with nothing more than the strong will to do even more for your beloved one. But humans can't be perfect, won't ever be and - believe me - should never be perfect. So the most common thing that will happen: You will fail, sooner or later, for sure. But until you reach the point where you see, that it doesn't end, despite all of your doing, it may end by itself if you're lucky and if you have an understanding partner, that cares about your feelings. If not, welcome to hell. I can only talk from myself from here on... well I do it the whole gap I think. But what you feel, when you are at last nothing more than a tool that is used to be trotured for an unsatisfied feeling of belong, love and care, than you will get eaten up by your own confession, by your addiction to that person, cause he or she will draw out of you every drip of happieness untill nothing more than your insanity is left. And what comes with that is pain, crucial and unknown to your mind and also very strong in your body. If this progress lasts long enough you will often be only able of thinking one thing at all: What did I do wrong this time? And your head won't be able to keep all the pain for itself, so your body will soon feel pain also, in your chest like a knife was stabbed in, in your limbs like they are stretched all the time and additional to that you will be exhausted, despite how much you sleep, how much you rest or what you are doing, you will be exhausted all the time, even more than you might be used to be before all that had happened. And then.... let me say... it can still get worse.

Sleepless

Have you ever had the feeling

That you miss somebody you've never known

And all your thoughts are for that being

Like anything else was nothing you own

Have you ever asked what's love

When you were alone in your tidy room

And then all what you care was to move

Like this world started slowly to shroom

Have you ever looked at yourself

While seeing nothing more than a sadness

And then you stay awake already till Twelve

Like you can't even sleep with this madness

Have you ever fallen into the dark

Where all emotions seem to fade away

And all you want is that tiny little spark

Like the most beloved to where you decide to stay

Inspired by a song

Staying

I walk alone in a field dark and grey

My steps lead me away

They left me, started to stray

And still a thought was resting in me

I walk by myself through the nighten sky

My dreams flow fast still shy

They rain down with tears of my

But not any time I want another thing to be

I walk in silence with a wave of fear

My words just like a tear

They will never reach you my dear

Cause your end was in that agony

I walk forever in forgotten thoughts

My cries were full of taunts

They should not hurt you like thorns

For you was the rose with the love that I feel

I'm standing here by no ones side

My life was lost in pride

It's gone like a changing tide

And still you are the only one for me

A poem between Friends...

I postet this on 3 different Facebook accounts, so each one is to a different Person.
The first strophe was for a dear friend of mine, the second for the person who is the closest and most beloved for me since nearly 2 years now and the third one was for myself. Oh and yeh, they're both female ^^

Bonds

Can you see the last tear drip
Than the first ray of sun will slip
Through the clouds of the rain
And to the bright life
That’s why we will always sustain

Can you take the wind away
Where the clouds resist to stay
Will you bring light again
Even if we bear ourselves
Than I'd call you my closest friend


Can you feel my wish for you
With the things forever true
Shall I pass on the step away
Than please hold me again
So I will never tend to stray

My blood for you

In my dreams you were

Like an angel so light

But in all the words I dare

Not one describes your smile

In one night of the world

Your lips reached mine

But than like it's only hurt

You forgot what we once were

In a cloud of darkend rain

Those tears left all the bright
But in this I would sustain
Just to be yours for a while

In the love you cried

With a feeling of deny
But in this I lost my pride
To beware you from your scare

A song of tears

It's a song, I don't know if it's good, cause im used to write poems and even my english might be bad sometimes, cause I'm also used to write most of my texts in german. But this is my latest work and so the first I wanted to post here. Hope you enjoy and like it...


Once your soul

Could we find, a way to stay never
I would never be there for you
We would find a smile together
But this smile wont be for you

I can't hold this feelings in my
I can't stand a lonely hope
I would feel, like you're gone forever
My love you were once my soul

And if you slept two days now
I would be there to see you awake
Till this morgning I would ask you
Do you see me in your dreams 

Than I thought, why not end it
We could be happy and smile again
But we're both bound and insane
So we feel that pain again

I can't hold this feelings in my
I can't stand a lonely hope
I would feel, like you're gone forever
My love you were once my soul

And than the day when it was raining
I stood there my tears forever flow
You told me that our hearts will stay broken
And I was gone with all this pain

You will keep my feelings forever
You will stand in every dream
You might say, that you don't deserve it
But I know, you are my soul